Chinese Communist Party Rebrands Itself After Lengthy Struggle Session

After an unprecedented struggle session notable for its sheer size, the Chinese Communist Party issued a statement declaring that it will rebrand itself as the Chinese Capitalist Party to better reflect its actual doings.

In a socialist society, property is pooled and deployed for communal benefit. However, we have not only been allowing private enterprises to exist, but to actually fail. This failure to step in and bail out our comrades is a severe shortcoming of our communist ideals, and characteristic of capitalist ideals.

Notwithstanding major shortcomings in its adherence to communist ideals, the party intends to remain in authoritarian grasp of the country. Nothing is expected to change in China besides the name of the ruling party.

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