Department of Education to Rebrand as Daycare, Receives 10x Support

(WASHINGTON DC) – In a major week for rebrandings, the Department of Education has rebranded itself as the Department of Daycare to better reflect the actual function of the activities it oversees.

The rebranding has resulted in an enormous outpouring of support among members of Congress and the public, with over $800 billion committed to its mission of providing parents with the sanity they need until their children reach 18 years of age.

“I don’t care about education, but once I realized that K-12 schooling isn’t really about the learning, it’s about the daycare aspect of it, I’m in full support. I wouldn’t mind paying higher taxes for it, actually,” said Raymond Jeeves, 34, a steelworker in Pennsylvania.

The expanded budget will primarily go towards exploring options for expanded school hours, with a 7am to 7pm schedule for elementary school age children, and 5-day overnight camp schedules being proposed for older students.

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