Most of Mars Has Been Claimed by Billionaires and Fed, According to CBRE

(Syrtis Major, Mars) – Due to actions of the Federal Reserve, property prices on the red planet have already soared out of reach for 99.9% of the world, a new study by CBRE has revealed.

“We see a lack of yielding assets left to invest in on Earth, and concerns over the future of an indebted, unproductive, zombie-laden world as the primary contributors to this phenomenon,” CBRE analyst Richard Woolen said.

The owners of Mars’ inhabitable property include most billionaires and venture capitalists, including those in the ranks of exclusive clubs formed for such absconding purposes.

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