Newly announced MAGIC act to 10x the aid of CARES and HEROES

(Washington DC) – The newly announced $30 trillion Make America Great In time of Coronavirus (MAGIC) act, recently announced by a bipartisan group in Congress, extends the benefits of earlier stimulus programs by ensuring the “survival of all jobs and companies, regardless of their economic utility,” a statement read.

The act will simultaneously lower taxes and raise unemployment benefits, with a 25 trillion bailout of all companies in the United States, and is named after its hoped for effect, which is to ensure delight while doing zero harm.

“Clearly we have seen the economic exceptionalism of the United States, as we are not subject to the laws of debt, deficits, interest rates, and inflation,” Congressional leaders announced cheerily, wearing illusionist costumes.

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