Stanford Eliminates Concept of “Profit” From Accounting Textbooks, Replaces With Revenue Growth

(Palo Alto, CA) – The Stanford Graduate School of Business, famed for its links with Silicon Valley, has eliminated the concept of profitability from its entire curriculum, citing the reason that it “needs to keep up with the times.”

Dean Jonathan Levin cited the fact that the supermajority of the new IPOs, tech startups, and companies being formed in America today, enriching their founders to the tune of billions, do not bother with profits. Instead, these companies “work tirelessly to convince the next suc-, I mean, investor, to buy in at ever higher valuations, with the holy grail being retail investors.

“In this climate of speculation, profits are not what’s important. The ability to hype, and show revenue growth at the expense of everything else, is what truly matters,” the dean said in a statement.

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